Your Messy Truth!

“A crisis highlights all of our fault lines. 

We can pretend that we have nothing to learn, 

or we can take the opportunity to own the truth

 and make a better future for ourselves and others.” 

-Brene Brown

How many times have I sat with clients as they bravely say what is in their heart.  Many times saying it out loud for the first time.  Not the pretty packaged thoughts that are tied up in a bow, the tenuous frayed and scorched corners that they are convinced should not be there.

And, how many times have I had the absolute honor to tell them, “yes, yes this is messy and chaotic and confusing, AND there is nothing wrong with you.”  The relief can be palpable. 

Blindly resisting the fear, pain, shame, loneliness, anger, disappointment (you get the idea) that life WILL bring you is a  guarantee you don’t get to the other side. It even elongates the bounce back. And NOT talking about it is a resistance tactic.

To soften the defenses, and shed a little light on the path forward, I like to have some tools I can rely on. Here are some helpful steps to  “make room” for some healing alternatives.

1. Eliminate “all or nothing” thinking. In every situation there are nuances. Take a step back, and allow for other possibilities. Remember,  “When you write things in stone, everything becomes brittle and ends in dust.” -unknown. Where can you open your heart  even the littlest bit to breathe in some fresh air?

2. Reframe your thoughts (a cousin of #1 above.)  Be open to a new view. What you are currently making this circumstance mean (interpretation) is most likely bringing a painful result. What else could be true?

3. Take small steps. They are sustainable, and you can build on a solid foundation.

While you embrace all that comes with this learning time (remember, your growth begins when your comfort ends) don’t be in a hurry to slap on “the fix” and move on.  It rarely works like that. Hint: a good small step can be a humble apology.

In the Irish fisherman's village they say that life, like fishing is a series of casting and mending.  Or I have also heard the term “rupture and repair”. Whichever one speaks to you, just know the “messy”  times aren't anomalies, and you are no less worthy.

I began today’s column with my hero Brene Brown and I’ll end with her as well.

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; 

they are reminders that we are all in this together.”

-Brene Brown.