Why you don’t need the do-over!
Have ya ever wanted a do-over?
Please tell me I’m not the only one. I can conjure many do-over fantasies.
And I’m not talking about the time I slammed my son Jack’s fingers in the car door when he was a little guy (although I do wish I hadn’t.)
Or the time I gave a certain someone a piece of my mind after he pulled a u-turn right in front of me to take what I considered MY parking spot (I had responsibly gone to the corner to legally make the u-turn and as I approached, Mr. Charming snagged my spot, with a smug look, just like that!! ….not that I ever think about it…(upon reflection, if I’m honest, a part of me is glad I stuck up for myself and called out his behavior!)
I’m also not talking about how I humiliated my children when I made them abide by the provisional driving regulations for the new driver (yup according to them, their dad and I were the ONLY parents in California that read the law…hmm, now one of them is in law enforcement….did I do that?)
No, I am talking about a do-over for:
a heartfelt conversation, or ok argument that might have gone better
giving a word of support or encouragement when I was spent
allowing people to be who they are, and love them anyways
taking a breath and listening to that story one more time
showing up without complaint or agenda
Do-overs don’t always come. But what I know is you don’t need them. The whole premise for them is a correction of a wrong-doing or something close.
You often hear me say, “perfection isn't a thing.” So why would you get it right all of the time? Embracing the less-than moments, (as grandma would have said, “warts and all”) takes courage and emotional maturity.
Grace is a learned skill. And when we can bestow it upon ourselves, it’s a true act of compassion and self-connection. And when you do, I hope everyone around sees it and learns to emulate it. If you were very lucky, you grew up with someone who did just that, and learned from their example. Breathe. Consider:
“Everyone has a chapter they don’t want to read aloud. Don’t let those pages write the rest of your story. Find the magic in them, and move on.”-Dani Dipirro.
“If you ever feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it figured out, listen close: Life is not tidy. Growth is not linear. We are all wanderers. We are all still figuring it out.”-Erica Layne.
The most profound thing we can offer our children is our own healing.”-Anne LaMott.
The do-over isn't really necessary when you extend this thinking to yourself and others.
Admit you might do it differently if you had to do it again. Just that admission is humbling and refreshing.
Apologize when you can, it takes the stinger right out.
Your life is so much more satisfying to know you have the ability to weather your “losses” and share the “wins.” It is how we connect through our humanity.
I’ll leave you today with some sage words from one of my favorites:
The connections we make in the course of a lifetime…maybe that’s what heaven is.” -Fred Rogers.
If you’d like some help with some “how to’s” and where to develop and deepen those connections that are on your heart, I can help.