Unstructured Time
Let me ask you a question..How good are you at unstructured time? As the kids say, “chill”. By unstructured time, I refer to those blocks of time when the calendar is blank, and your brain isn’t consumed by the next thing.
Last week I talked about making decisions in advance. Getting good at the skills of decisions. And while that’s true, it should not come at the cost of unstructured time. Do you have any unstructured time in your day / week / month / life? Do you know why?
I have many friends, who are soooo busy. They’d rather have a root canal than nothing to do. They view downtime like the awkward pause in a conversation, and they go about filling it up right away. Anything to avoid the quiet and the chaos in their brain. It’s called buffering, and it’s what we all do when we don’t want to “go there.”. Buffering comes in many forms, over- working, shopping, eating, drinking, socializing, exercising, to name a few, I just call it “busyness.”
KInd of like the decision debt concept I talked about last week though, there will be a price to pay. Emotions don’t disappear, they become dormant. And dormant things eventually surface. But hear me when I say, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Here’s the truth, it’s human nature to avoid pain. Our primal brain was built for only three things: to seek pleasure, conserve energy and yes, avoid pain. So you are living into your primal wiring.
Let me suggest that getting good at the quiet, can be the best self care. But you have to be brave. I like this quote by Parker Palmer.
“Self care is never a selfish act. It’s simply good stewardship of the only gift we have, the gift we are put on this earth to offer others. Anytime we take care of ourselves, we do it not just for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we aim to serve.”
I have to say I do enjoy taking myself “off the grid”. I use that time to challenge myself at all sorts of things. And it's fascinating what comes up. This bratty brain can get going on the stories, and drama, so I gently offer it some supervision. When feelings/emotions arise, I don’t shove them in a hole and bury them. I welcome them, become curious about where they originate, and I think about what else could be true as I process them (spoiler, it’s called coaching.) It’ll disarm that emotion instead of creating a bigger drama. And then guess what? Poof! Those feelings and thoughts are in the back seat, and I am once again in the driver's seat. With intention not default.
Balance is not accidental. It’s created. Get good at it. Let me help you identify and develop the skill sets to bring you into a balanced life. It's often that missing ingredient when you ask what's missing? You already know what’s best for you, your curiosity and intuition is what keeps you reading these emails. If you want to implement these ideas it'll take more than reading the email. Hit the button! l can help you curate that balance into your world going forward.
Grateful for you,
Anne