The Upside of Loneliness
When my family was young and I was on the go all the time, I had a lot of balls in the air. I used to joke that I’d LOVE to feel lonely, puleeese just for a day??. I’m a kidder. And if I’m honest, I was really looking for solitude, which is way different than loneliness.
Back then I thought you HAD to be solitary to be lonely. But the joke's on me. Now I realize that loneliness doesn’t have anything to do with a crowd of people, or lack of things to do.
Did you know you can be in a room filled with people, even brimming with people you love and care about and still feel lonely? In fact, the Surgeon General released an advisory report citing the US is experiencing loneliness in epidemic numbers, creating real threats to mental health. What makes things worse is that many people feel embarrassed by periodic loneliness, yet another weakness or flaw. Here comes (my favorite) shame.
Doesn’t that hurt your heart? And don’t get me going about social media. While that industry loves to pound the drum of all the connections they make, they also provide a real sense of isolation. These “computer-based” online “friends” don’t provide human interaction.
When was the last time you felt the weight of loneliness? I suppose it’s different for everyone depending on their need / tolerance for connection. For me, I can feel lonely when it is apparent that I am not known by others. I don't care about being known by everyone just the people I value. That's my idea of connection.
I have read the three fundamental human emotional needs are:
To be seen
To be heard
To be celebrated
Each one necessary for connection and even more so, belonging. It would be difficult to feel lonely if I have connection and belonging. If I was seen, heard and celebrated, right?
Here’s the thing. loneliness is useful. It’s a clue that there might be some work to do. Usually in times of transition. It's a perfect opportunity to take inventory and up-level whatever has gotten your attention. It’s calling you, so listen.
I work with Empty Nest moms and others looking for new momentum . Transition times right? I help them know that loneliness doesn't have to be their constant companion and to be curious about what clues it is leaving for them.
I firmly believe resets and multiple reinventions are necessary from age 45 on. Re-evaluating and redefining where you are, where you are going, and why. The changing dynamics of friendships, and what you now need in relationships that maybe wasn’t the case in the past. It all brings a clarity that will lift the heaviness.
“Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value.”-unknown
I'd love to hear about the ways you experience loneliness, and together explore where the upside is for you. Not sure what a consult call is? It’s a free zoom meeting just you and I. Typically 30- 40 minutes/ No obligation, just some free coaching on an area you’d like to get some clarity on. If it’s interesting for you, we can talk about working together, if not, then hopefully you’ll get some perspective and good ideas about how to move forward.Find my calendar in the link below. A win/win!
Find more goodness: downloadable toolkits, empowering thoughts, past columns here.
GRATEFUL FOR YOU,
Anne