My Toxic Thought

I walk around with a sound track in my head. I think we all do. Sometimes it’s funny (ok, mostly it’s funny!) Sometimes it’s rested and in the moment. Sometimes it is anticipating an upcoming event or project. Sometimes it’s filled with gratitude and hope. Sometimes it’s lonely. And other times it’s darker, judgmental and self-critical. It’s that messaging that I have to be the most aware of. 

But it doesn’t just stop there. When I get down on myself I can take it to all sorts of negative outcomes. I can feel shame because I  make those thoughts mean that I’m an imposter as a life coach. Having the nerve to offer my coaching as a help to others means I should always have it “all together” right?

And THAT’s the most toxic thought.  Judging myself for feeling emotions that are hard. For dipping into a funk, anxiety, sadness and telling myself I shouldn’t feel those emotions (at least not for very long.,..I guess there’s a meter on these things?) I judge myself for continuing to struggle with changes I want to make, goals I am working toward, and still missing the mark. 

And this is where the damage occurs. Because of these thoughts (which I realize are stories I tell myself) I get further and further away from the connection to the core of who I am. Then what? Doubt, lack of focus, weakness and frustration.  Yup me too!

But here’s where it turns all around. Keeping this business stuffed down, secretive and in the dark is not protective, it's corrosive.   I now try to have the grounding and grace to shine a light on it (kinda like this column.) I acknowledge that if I have the courage to embrace the ugly, it loses its power a bit. I call it out, so-to-speak. 

Absolutely all of those emotions are part of being human. I know that my brain is trying to protect me. It’s wired to survive,

and thinking the worst is a way to protect against possible threats.. 

So now, when I am having a day, (or two) I say, “that was a dilly”. I am grateful to have made it through each bad day, and expect that I will continue to do so.  There is an ease when I can tell myself,  “this is ok, I accept you just as you are, and I will always  take care of you. So let it hurt as long as it needs to, don’t judge or push away. The other side of this is calling, and it will require the lessons you are now learning.” Welcome to life’s 50 /50.

What about you? What are the stories your toxic thoughts bring? Don’t ignore them, they are informative and being gentle with yourself is the answer. Running away from it , burying it only ensures it'll be prolonged.  Be gentle, be humble, be curious, be brave. And then get back to that connection with who you are, your very best self. I’ll see you there.

Find more goodness: downloadable toolkits, empowering thoughts, past columns here. 

GRATEFUL FOR YOU,

Anne