Knowing You!
It sounds pretty simple, being known. There are all kinds of ways to be known. One way is outwardly. To be known by others. Friends, work colleagues, family, pastors, neighbors, acquaintances, people in your orbit. How they connect with you, perceive you, and value your relationship. I call that outer knowing.
We place a lot of meaning in their definition for us. It’s a conditioning that starts very early and very unconsciously.
In her book, 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, Brianna Wiest has a chapter called “How to be Your Own Worst Enemy (without ever realizing it.)” She points out the danger comes when we “act only in accordance with what makes sense to other people. Make the most important facet of your experience being palatable to anyone and everyone else. Standards that are generally agreed upon. Marriage licenses mean love, job titles mean success, religion means goodness, money means contentment.
Wiest says, “You never realize that bit by bit, you created a life you never really wanted with the pieces you never really chose.” That outer persona is where we spend a lot of our time and energy to develop reputation. Which we really never get to define for ourselves.
“Your reputation is in the hands of others. That's what the reputation is. You can't control that. The only thing you can control is your character.”-Wayne Dyer.
So then what is inner knowing? Heck if I know I’m shallow remember! But I do find this idea fascinating. Wiest says (and I’m paraphrasing) [what we seek in others in various areas of life is the thing you have yet to give yourself! A projection of the thing you most feel you lack, and therefore seek it in others.] The answer? Figure out what you crave and how to fill that need for yourself. It goes both ways. What you dislike most about others is in some way true for you. You just haven’t been able to acknowledge it yet. BAM! Think about it. If it didn’t resonate in some way for ourselves, we wouldn’t attach a story to it. Kinda like someone saying, ”I like your blue hair.” If you don’t have blue hair the comment never sticks.
I always caution my clients about the needy thought that their partner can complete them. (Sorry Tom Cruise, in Jerry Maguire, It's all his fault!) The best relationships take an inner knowing as to what you need and want, and then fulfilling them yourself. Thus coming to the relationship whole and not needy. From abundance and not from scarcity.
This work is worthwhile at any point. Some events and milestones in life can initiate this evaluation (mid-life, empty nest, job change, relationship change, graduations, you name it.) I encourage it! Fine tuning our alignment with that inner knowing always makes a more abundant and effortless path.
I have a 6-week coaching program called Momentum that Matters. It looks at (4) key areas of your life. We identify what you want to build on, and acknowledge areas and stories you’d like to edit going forward. You gain Clarity, Purpose and Momentum, a winning combo!
Schedule a free consultation here and I can get you on your way, whether you book future coaching, or not!
GRATEFUL FOR YOU,
Anne