The Best Parts of Me
Ever consider the best part of you? Now, don’t lets get carried away here, I don’t mean your belongings, family, physical attributes, home or work accomplishments. I refer to what makes you like no other, your essence, your character.
I think it’s good to have this inventory at the ready. What do people who really know you compliment you about? Do you believe them? Do you see why they feel that way? Why do you think they acknowledge these traits in you? Are you proud of them? What would you have people you just met know about you? What tells us who you are? For those of you who I personally know, I could name many, and would delight in doing so..(in fact hit reply and let me tell you!)
I spent way too long, with a talk-track in my head that would never let me believe the compliments. When I was fairly young, a typical mean-girl soundtrack took up residence in my head, and it required a concerted effort to show her the door. Don’t get me wrong, she (I call her Ursula!) is still there, but her volume has been turned way down. “I’m the Captain now.” - a line from the Tom Hanks movie Captain Phillips.
I tell that to Ursula, it helps!
I learned this skill in a couple of ways. One, I observed people who didn’t seem to have an “Ursula”. I learned how they think. Open, curious. Not judgmental or quick to diminish. I love being around those people. There is a lightness, wisdom and discernment to them. Oh and guess what? They are happy people.
Mainly I learned my “Ursula” editing skill from wrangling my thinking and taking charge of it. I learned about our primal brain biology. One of the primitive brain's jobs is to keep us safe, and conserve energy (yes even “thinking” energy.) In this effort it will offer a thought, and then re-offer it, again and again. Overriding it and offering a new thought takes energy and could be dangerous (in primitive times at least.)
Some thoughts I heard when I was young, and others I decided on my own! Thoughts such as, “You aren’t very smart.” “You are really quite average, nothing really extraordinary.” I told myself, “I’m just not lucky, I may come close but never seem to quite achieve my dreams.” How ridiculous!
Once I had an awareness of the thoughts, I was able to anticipate them (take THAT Ursula!)
Many talk a good game (unlike me) but then if you notice, the talk and walk are somewhat skewed. It’s that brain of theirs and the thoughts they entertain:
The time management expert who is always 10 minutes late.
The self esteem expert who continues to compare themselves to others for validation.
The health/nutrition expert who is 60 lbs overweight.
The expert gardener who has only weeds/dead foliage in the front yard.
“Thoughts can be an expression of wisdom or fear. If we want to live from our deepest intuition, it’s imperative that we learn to discern the two. Here’s one simple heuristic: Thoughts from wisdom feel spacious.Thoughts from fear feel constricted, Be patient. It can take time to see.” -Cory Muscara
Now I'm fairly clear about the best parts of me. I try to share them with you each week in this column. I hope you find some value here. ❤️
Do you have an Ursula talking track like I did? Interested in letting her (or him) know who is boss? I hope you do! Let me help you with it in a free coaching session here.