A Little Rain Must Fall
I try not to be disappointed. Do you? Disappointment is hard for me. Mostly because I really do want the best for everyone in my life & my clients too. That includes myself. AND I used to see it as a shortcoming.
Feeling disappointment was usually a result of some sort of perceived setback. An outcome that I hadn’t anticipated. A rejection, dismissal, blunder, impasse, all those “sticky” things! And watch out, here comes SHAME.
As a teacher I witnessed disappointed children collapse into a puddle of tears or become angry and defensive. Convinced of a devastating event! Escalating into calamity (in their mind.) They didn’t have the background and experience to know it wasn’t as serious as they were making it. Remember their world is so much smaller.
In fact our primal brain protects us when we are facing disappointment or let down. It's an effort to avoid pain (one of the three main jobs of the primal brain.) It will offer us thoughts to rationalize, minimize and quickly dismiss the sting. Then offer those same “safe” thoughts again and again to keep you safe and conserve energy. The only problem with that is “safe” too often leads stagnation.
Like the students on the playground, as we grow our world gets bigger. And we become adept at handling a variety of situations. Disappointment should be one of them. Now I handle this differently. (I KNOW you knew this was coming!)
First I never take disappointment personally. Instead I acknowledge the only reason I feel let down is because I dare to want much, and expect much. Not bad! I get curious around what the facts are, and what I am making them mean. I can catch my interpretation when it has a story of drama or victimhood, and bring a more curious thought to the same situation. At that point I let the disappointment become the teacher it needs to be.
Takes the sting right out of it! AND it allows me to stay in the present even in some discomfort, because I don't fear it. I admit, I don't love it, but I emerge much stronger.
People with small, safe goals aren’t disappointed much, and that’s fine, if you like small and safe.
When it comes to your grown kids, let them see disappointment as a sign they are “in the game” daring to want for themselves. A few bruises along the way, and recovery. Then rinse and repeat, This builds a terrific sense of resilience and accomplishment.
Such a gift!
I can help you reframe a disappointment. Catch a free coaching session below, and let’s get you on the other side of it. Just another tool for your tool box of life! Checkout some other tools here.
“Anne is a kind, direct and incredibly wise coach. She is a thoughtful listener who can help with the big picture. I would recommend her to anyone struggling with relationships at work, or needing some direction. She listens objectively and has a kind sense of humor. I am glad we worked together.” KK Carmel , CA