Clear as Mud
Clarity. It can be an elusive creature am I right?
Why is that? I have some thoughts (I heard that!)
I have a theory mostly because it’s what happened to me, maybe you too?
For so long I went about doing and being the person I thought I should be. The one who sits in the stands at every baseball, basketball, and football game. The daughter that arranges and drives parents (and friends) to appointments, provides meals, cards. The one who attends the extended family functions with a big smile, an ironed dress and lipstick. The friend who said the hard things (why doesn’t ANYONE take my call?) Church things. Social things. Work things. You get the picture.
I had allowed those roles to provide what I now call my big four:
Fulfillment
Contribution
Validation
Purpose
NO complaints. I had a very nice life. So why did I feel something was missing? Because it was.
The big four existed for me only inside of those roles, and when the roles changed, (empty nest, career change, etc) I did feel a vacancy. I needed clarity.
I looked around, and studied the happiest people I know. I realized if I left those big four items up to others, I was in trouble. That’s my job. And I got busy. Here’s why:
(I only wish I could attribute these wise words to the author, she is unknown.)
A mother writing to her sons:
“Above all else, I want you to know that you are so loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions..you will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections. We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here. This wholehearted journey is the greatest gift I can give to you. To live and love with all your heart and dare to greatly.”
How could I provide that example (I always tell you people are watching with interest) if I so sloppily left my big four up to others, and didn't go about providing it to me, from me?
The big four bring clarity and momentum to your life. What do they look like for you? How would it impact you to readily have them working for you? What will your life look like in 3 or 6 months or a year from now? Then ask, what will be the impact of their absence?
Let’s get you clear on your big four, and then put a plan in place to assure they are in place.
Here's what my client offered:
“I developed a new awareness about how to handle challenges in my life. Learning that I didn’t need to be doing the heavy lifting for other people's problems was such a relief. I felt so much lighter. Anne is a very gentle coach. Her coaching style guided me through our conversations instead of delegating solutions. I would recommend working with Anne to anyone who feels stuck in some way. The path forward becomes more clear. “
-Brenda B. San Francisco, California
Curious about what coaching is all about? Find me here.