In The Trenches
I am very appreciative to you for being a part of this tribe. Because you read this column, share it, and often send me your comments, I understand that, like me, you are interested in ideas that can make your life more full, while avoiding some of the “trenches” along the way.
I think that’s a very basic and common wish among us all. And if that’s your wish, you should have it. So why don’t you? I know why. It begins and ends with your beautiful brain, and the stories it tells you.
There is no shortage of gimmicky “formulas” that promise:
Happiness
Self-Confidence
A Balanced LIfe
Validation
Thriving Relationships
Impactful Decisions
Worthiness
Purpose
Anxiety relief
These ‘formulas” are packed in nice marketing language such as:
Roadmaps
Blueprints
Method
Process
Game Plan
Mastery
Formula
All good, but here’s the rub. Unless you are equipped to recognize and dismantle the automatic messages your brain offers, that “trench” is waiting. No matter how many “formulas” you study. Truth is, you have heard these thoughts so many times, they have become beliefs. that you don't question. Such as:
This always happens to me
I’m not the lucky-type
I knew this wouldn’t work out
I’m not lovable / attractive / worthy
I’ll just have to make the best of it
I’m misunderstood
I’ll be better when (partner/friend/colleague/child) changes
This is human biology. The human brain’s survival instinct is designed to limit change. Neural pathways develop, and get deeper (trenches) each time you resort to an old thought, without challenging it. It becomes a default mechanism.
One of my empty nest moms truly believed, with all of her heart, once she raised her children, her life’s work was basically complete. Anything going forward would never be rewarding. Can you believe how sad that thought is? We had to clean that up right away. Now she views her life without the blinders she was using, and multiple aspects of her life and marriage are improved. I see it a lot.
As for me, when I have a nudge, whether it’s a helpful thought or not, I have learned to be still. I employ a curiosity around it. define the nudge as clearly as I can, and then I ask these questions:
Is it true?
What else could be true?
What am I making it mean?
What am I to learn from this?
Is the timing of this significant?
What am I afraid of?
Who do I want to be in this challenge?
In fact, I like to talk to my brain as if she is a long time friend who knows me well, she has a wicked sense of humor! However, when that inner critic begins her messaging I tell her, “We don't do that anymore.” I still have them, but the trenches are few and far between for me now. And that's my wish for you. A good coach can help you with these questions and unpack the areas that get you derailed.
I encourage you to become curious, not defensive or resigned. Trench-proof your year with the knowledge that you can decide your own results, and go about making it happen. Aren’t you tired of regrets? They are so boring! And YOU are extraordinary.
You can go along as you always have. Perfectly fine, as long as you like the results you’ve assembled. As I’ve said, I like to ask what will be the impact of doing this work? More importantly what will be the impact of NOT doing this work.
Schedule a free call with me and we can begin to put the pieces together for you. Learn more here. Get my free guide to 10 empowering thoughts here.
Curious about what coaching is all about? Find me here.