Got Purpose?
I have been having conversations lately with friends about a variety of interesting things.
One topic has stayed with me (does that happen to you? After a conversation, do you revisit what was shared and continue to “chew “ on it?) I do. Especially the really meaty ones. I’m deep you know!
A group of us were together and we were talking about stages of our lives. We broke it down to three major stages. Different life events fell into each category, not always the same for each of us. I happen to be a late bloomer! But in general,
The early stuff: The Building years
childhood through college age
starting our careers
getting married / or not!
establishing our home
starting a family / or not!
raising the kids
finding our way
caring for elderly parents
The middle stuff: The Next-Step years
sending the kids off to college
beginning our empty nest
losing our parents and other cherished friends/relatives
re-evaluating, continuing our careers
noticing a few more aches and pains
kids getting married and starting their families
becoming more reflective, purposeful vs. operating on autopilot
maintaining or completing relationships, contribution
And the third stage; Retirement onward (we entitled it “the wrap up!) Having yet to get to that stage we put together a list of what we HOPED it might look like:
retirement
robust relationships with friends, grandchildren, family
good health
more travel
continuing contribution and fulfillment
making care arrangements for our older years so our children don’t have to
Your items in each category will look different, they are supposed to. To live a purpose-filled life, it takes careful consideration. It’s not accidental. Purpose needs to be intentionally knitted through each one of these stages.
And that’s the good news. You can make it anything you want. It begins with defining your relationship with you. What’s important to YOU? Knowing who you are, from the inside out. So many lose sight of this. Viewing things through the lens of others. Molding ourselves into an “acceptable” version. Doing a bit of pretending because acceptance is vital. So we people please.
A simple example:
One of my group in this conversation said she could never leave town during the holidays, even though it’s always been a dream of hers. She said it would disappoint and upset too many others in her life. She called herself “trapped.” A victim mentality, taking no ownership of her ability to have a “say” in what she does. See the disconnect?
I don’t always get to do what I’d like either, but I don’t feel “trapped” or sorry for myself (disclosure: I USED to be really good at that. Now, I know it as a waste of time and precious emotion.) There is no right answer either way. And I don’t always get it right. But the purpose-filled life has us owning our decisions and choices. No victims, no pretending. I own my reasons and get on with it. I know that life is a 50/50 give and take. I’m good with that. Because I’ve known struggle and conflict I appreciate wholeness and contentment so much more. I've said this before and it's so true, It’s where all the growth happens.
The purpose-filled life is forward focussed, not past regrets and disappointments. Your purpose is important because it’s your ”why”. Without a strong connection to your “why” it’s way too easy to give up, change directions, when the going gets rough. Stuck anyone?
I help my clients in a simple but thorough process. First we look at:
Where are you? (see categories above)
What do you care about and WHY?
Then we begin the process of:
Reinvent
Redefine
Reignite
Tony Robbins (you know I like that one) says that depression is when your life doesn’t match up against the blueprint you have for it, and you feel powerless to change it. POW!
Where are you struggling with what you’d “like” to versus what you “have” to? Let’s look at the stories you are telling yourself. I promise I can tell you a better one. I’m like that!
Have you jumped over to my website lately? There have been some big changes. All of my weekly columns are there for you (blog). You can read the ones you might have missed or the topics that might be more pressing now than when you first saw it.
While you are there you will also find “Purpose-Filled Empty Nest Overview and Checklist” I also have a good tool to help for reset on the ready, “10 empowering thoughts to begin your fantastic rebound” Head over to the website and download them. Let me know what you think and share it with a friend…..You're a good friend!