Integrity Pulse
Do you spend time doing things you’d rather not do because you just couldn’t say no? Not the stuff you have to do, like laundry, picking weeds, and paying taxes. I’m talking about those “pinchy” things, the negotiable ones. Social invitations, family gatherings, community events, projects at work.
Why do you concede? Be honest here. Obligation? Guilt? Don’t want to disappoint anyone? Whatever it is, it’s a loser.
Confession: I have work to do on this concept too, but I am much better than I used to be. It’s a navigational challenge. Read further for my process to recover from being a people pleaser.. Oh yeah I was, you probably just didn’t know me then! You can get up off the floor now, I see you.
“We are always practicing something, we get good at what we practice.”-Ling Twist
As Ling here just said, if we find ourselves always putting our wants and preferences aside for others we get good at it. Quickly our days are filled around expectations of others, often at our own expense. Here comes resentment!
Enter Maya Angelou's wisdom here. Here's a better way. Listen when I say nothing wrong with obligation…if it makes you the best you. Here’s something to practice: Get clear that your “no” doesn't say “I don't love you”’ or “I don’t value our friendship”, etc. because that’s where people can go with it.
Say, “I love you, and no.” No guarantee the other party won’t get their knickers in a knot, but that was never up to you. Starting with “I love you” takes the stinger out of the story they might tell themselves about you declining an offer. ***Maybe don’t do the “I love you” thing at work….probably not recommended, but you get the drift***. My point is learn to say no when yes is a lie.
I admire those who are in integrity with this. You know when they show up for something, or volunteer their time it’s because they really want to participate. It’s a priority for them and they show up fully. Because I know they are discerning about what they do, I always view their attendance as a compliment. Those people are positive and fun to be around. Not one foot out the door…complaining under their breath, you know what I mean!
I always say it and it’s true, people are noticing you. They pay attention, they watch what you do, what you say, and how you live. They look for clues on how to navigate and emulate for themselves. Being an example of this kind of integrity is not a selfish act. By living in alignment with what you claim to be important, you encourage others to do the same. With acceptance and love. It’s a beautiful thing! Now, say no today..I dare you!
And..speaking of showing up, here’s one of my clients' experiences:
"I wasn't sure what to expect from coaching. I was going through a life transition, and was looking for some ideas as to directions going forward. Working with Anne, we were able to look at several different areas. She is a positive and encouraging coach as well as a good teacher of concepts. She has a grounding ability to show me new perspectives on many topics, and I found my footing.”- Rosalind
I can do the same for you. What are you waiting for, click below and have a discovery call with me. We can outline a path for you going forward. Make your good life a great life.
Schedule a discovery call below and let’s get to work on what needs to happen for you. I can’t wait!
Be a hero, click here to add a friend, relative or co-worker into our weekly email tribe, all are welcome here! AND hit reply to let me know what you'd like to hear more about..I've got a million of 'em! I love to hear from you.
You’re The Best,
Anne