When Fear Comes For You
In my world of coaching, I talk and read a lot about emotions. I think we’re clear that feelings come from thoughts. ….If you need a refresher on this I’ll refer to a previous column which now live on my website…isn’t that fancy? Just head over to www.annethomaslife.com/blog and look for the column titled, “Watch Your Thoughts” where I break it all down.
Lotsa talk these days about fear. Such a good and rich topic. I’ve learned a lot personally about fear, and done a lot of work on managing it when it comes for me. So I offer these thoughts in case it helps you.
What do I know about fear? Well I know it comes from a thought. In my case with my son in law enforcement I have had many fearful moments. Those were the times I played right into the “what if” quicksand of thoughts. Honestly I won’t share them with you here, because I don’t think that’s helpful, but it’s a mother’s worst nightmare and I’m sure you can guess the nature of them.
Here’s the truth I have learned. Fear left unsupervised is like a toddler running with scissors. A destructive and corrosive agent that will come for you and compromise your well being.
What I can tell you is my journey out of abject and irrational fear came by wrangling those thoughts. I’ve shared before I was a client before I was a coach, and this is what made the difference. I had to interrupt the cascade of (and if I’m honest, indulgent) emotions that my brain was leading me into. A dark place.
I now know that’s the brain’s job! The primal brain is ALL ABOUT survival, and pointing out imminent danger is it’s #1 duty. When I learned that the thoughts producing fear were in fact in accordance with basic human biology, I understood why they were prevalent, and I didn’t make it mean I was broken or that something was VERY wrong. The fact that there was this alarm meant everything was in working order. Huh?
I had to be real about the WHOLE picture. Not just the drama! Ouch! It takes courage to lift yourself out of fear.
Yes, my son has a career which comes with an element of danger, and bigger yes, this is his choice, in fact his calling. I had also had a choice to make. Was I going to spend my days in the “what if” purgatory, in fact mortgaging my own happiness (which is essentially what fear does) or would I decide to stand up and exercise the agency I have to create my own peace? Could I muster that kind of courage? I knew I could with help.
I decided to acknowledge all of it. The thin ice that fear brings. And also the pride, service and contribution he is able to make each and everyday. I recognize it all, but dwell on the latter and never looked back. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel wobbly from time to time. But I decide how far I’ll go with it, not the other way around. In doing so, I interrupted the neural pathway that left me afraid.
Having been helped by this mind work on fear, I then studied and became a certified life coach. I have the best job, as I am able to offer this same coaching and peace to my clients.
“Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you might think you’ve been buried, but actually, you’ve been planted.” -Kundan Pandey
I hope this helps. If you want to talk this through, I’m here for it. It’s all about the choice you make. We can find it together.