To Care
They call it the sandwich generation. Raising your own children while caring for elderly parents.
My husband and I got hit with that challenge multiple times. At one point we were responsible for seven people over the age of 80. I know many of you have walked this journey as well.
I remember having to leave my son’s 13th birthday dinner because the retirement home called, my mother was being transported to the emergency room. I was so torn. I didn’t want to let my son down (or rest of the family) and yet the thought of mom being alone in the ER wasn’t something I could let happen.
Not always easy, sometimes gut wrenchingly difficult. Throughout this whole season (which we are still in) I could feel the eyes of our children on us. They were watching as we navigated the minefield of health and dementia care while trying to respect our parents' dignity.
I wanted my children to see what devotion looks like, when being applied to another. They’d known our devotion to them, but seeing it in action outside of them was a family culture I wanted them to own. Not by telling them, but by showing them. I also wanted my boys to know this is the way of life, as we showed them how to say goodbye to our older generation. In a healthy, caring and thankful way.
It is preparing them for this life and all the milestones it brings. Remember your children are watching. Let them. Teach them. Involve them. Let them see you struggle, and let them help you when you need a hug.
Now I jokingly tell them when it’s my turn, to please pick a retirement home with GOOD FOOD! (too soon?) I think I have mentioned I’m part Irish and laughter is a genetic trait (It showed up in my 23 & me results!!) I try to keep it real and loving.
What is your family culture? What are the lessons you are passing along? What are the lessons you are editing from your family tree? Remember in these primary relationships our children (nieces, nephews) learn how to love by what they witness growing up.
Hit reply and share your most treasured lessons with me. I’d love to know. It makes such a rich and gracious conversation.
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