Ownership
Since we are knee-deep in renewal, it occurs to me that with renewal comes ownership. Not the kind of ownership that means liability, the kind that means possibility. The longer I am in this coaching world, the more attuned my lens is for owner versus victim mentality.
Here's what I mean:
Victims are never responsible for the misery they find themselves in. It’s usually someone else or something else that “triggers” all of the grief. But that is never true. You’ll recognize them when they play the blame game. Our emotions only come from our thinking, not another person’s behavior. Yes, you heard that right!
Let’s look at a victim's example. I like to call this model “the child”.
Fact: My supervisor is late for our review.
Victim thinks,”She doesn’t respect me or my time” which might lead to resentment, followed by having a curt attitude with her, which reveals that victim doesn’t respect or value supervisor.
OR
Thought ownership example. I call this model “the adult’.
Same scenario: My supervisor is late for our review.
Thought owners could think,” Her delay must be something that wasn’t anticipated, I’ll bet she’s scrambling”, which might lead to empathy which elicits a patient attitude which results in knowing her delay wasn’t personal. No harm, no Foul!
There is a certain humility when you own your thoughts, emotions and actions. It clears the decks when you offer a genuine apology. When someone owns their part (see above) and says, “Yup, I coulda done better there. I see that now, and I’m sorry for my part in how this played out.” *editorial note, in my opinion an apology needs that ownership piece. There is so much validation and awareness ….. “I’m sorry if you're upset” doesn’t cut it.
Some thought starters along this line from another hero, Wayne Dyer (I know he’s gone, but I wish he lived next door!)
‘You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”
If you blame others for something that happens in your life, then you must wait until they change in order to get better.”
Where are you missing the needed ownership to progress? It can be so liberating to get out from under that rock. Assigning your happiness to what other people do or don’t do will let you down every time. That pain is unnecessary, stop it now! How am I doin? Hard truths here, but I want the best for you.
Lecture over, you’re the best, next week let's get unstuck! Phew!
Grateful for you,
Anne