Magical Thinking
Core beliefs can be tricky. They account for the attitudes, behaviors and results we experience. Tricky because they live in a place we don't always recognize, our subconscious brain.
Add that to the fact that most people have at least one or two negative core beliefs (ok that goes for pretty much everyone I’ve ever met!)
These begin at a very young age, because our innocent brain doesn't have the context to understand a particular issue or event. So these thoughts are digested, assumed to be truth, repeat on the regular and become core beliefs. Unchallenged. Period.
What are yours? Hmmm? I’ll betcha they’re are some crummy ones, and I’ll also betcha they are not true and likely never were.
I am not lovable
I don’t count
If people really knew me, they wouldn’t respect me / like me
I’m damaged
I’m unattractive
My confidence and value depends on other people's approval
I am not enough
Any success is a fluke
I’m not as smart as everyone else
Things are harder for me
Nothing works out for me
I'm insignificant
No one understands me, I’m different, defective.
These are all lies. And what’s worse, they are a dirty little secret we keep hidden away.
I recently did a deep dive researching imposter syndrome for a talk I am preparing. Wow! Here’s some of what I learned:
Imposter Syndrome is more than just poor self-esteem. It's a chronic belief that you are in over your head, or out of your depth.
You hustle like crazy to prevent others from discovering you are inadequate, which brings burnout.
Imposter Syndrome effects mostly high achieving individuals.
Imposter syndrome can be experienced in personal life, however most commonly in the workplace.
It’s estimated that 73% of those affected by imposter syndrome are women.
And Here's the zinger…….
Imposter Syndrome can be directly traced to those core negative beliefs we attach to in youth.
Yikes! Old narratives and ongoing inner critics are not a good pairing. So what to do?
Step #1.The very first step is to identify that belief. Think of a recent event that was upsetting. Really picture it. What negative core belief goes with this event? Call it out. Write it down and then say it aloud. Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? Yup, I just called YOU out!
Step #2. When you think this negative thought, what feeling comes up? When was the first time you can remember feeling that way? This will give clues as to the origin of this negative belief. What was going on? Whose voice do you hear?
Step#3. Like a bad boyfriend, break up with that old belief. Just as you would a dear friend, go to bat for yourself. Claim evidence showing the negative core belief is not true for you. Imagine a heart to heart chat with someone you care for. You’d come up with just the right words.
Step #4. Move on. Get some distance between this hurtful voice, and a better story. Too many people live in the turmoil, and drama. it's not a good look!
Dr. Jim Doty, a neurosurgeon at Stanford University wrote a beautiful book, Into the Magic Shop. It's an autobiographical account of how he learned to direct his brain to achieve the outcomes he desired.
Traditionally the neurologist gets the brain and the psychiatrist gets the mind. Dr. Doty made the cross-over connection between imbedding an intention into our subconscious and the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in the brainstem. He found a way to use his intention to escape his own dire childhood, go to college, medical school and then become one of the country’s most preeminent neurologists.
These steps above are helpful because they lasso that “toddler with scissors” brain. Without direction your thoughts will offer what it knows, not necessarily what is true. That noggin of yours has so much potential for positive results. But it needs direction. Follow?
Oh, by the way, its not all doom and gloom, there are also POSITIVE core beliefs. Want to poke around and find some space to give your thoughts a better direction? Ready to feel lighter emotionally? It’s called coaching. Here’s some thoughts from a client:
“I had been reading Anne’s weekly emails for a while. They made sense to me, and I realized I was ready to try coaching for myself. Our coaching sessions were a safe place and a perfect blend of friend, cheerleader and kick in the butt. Anne walked along side me, and it felt good to be on the journey together. I was able to learn the coaching concepts and quickly apply them to my life. Anne’s coaching style is professional while guiding and forward focused at the same time.” - C.G. San Jose, CA.
What will we be celebrating this time next year?
It starts with the first step. Check out my coaching program here.🥰
You'll be so glad you did this for yourself.