Confidence. Is It Overrated?
Self-confidence can be elusive, did you know that? It’s not the same thing as regular old confidence, oh heck no! Self- confidence can be a tricky dance partner!
Let me explain. Confidence is being secure in the knowledge that you are capable at a skill or talent based on experience. It can be gained through practice and repetition. Think of taking 100 basketball free throws each day. Eventually you’ll get better and better, and become confident in your ability to make those baskets. Same for playing the piano, driving a car, follow?
Self-confidence isn’t based on skill, it’s a state of being. An inner knowledge that regardless of an outcome, you will make it through. Self confidence looks at setbacks not as roadblocks, but as part of the learning journey. Setbacks don’t mean anything about you, it means there is work to do, and it’s available. Abundance, not scarcity.
It should be said arrogance is not the same as confidence, and not recommended! Arrogance is based in fear and scarcity, has an attitude of better-than usually at someone else’s expense. It’s the person at the dinner party you are dying to get away from. Self-confidence has nothing to do with that guy.
A few years ago a friend of mine lost her sister after a long battle with cancer. I ran into her and asked that dumb question, “How are you?” I will always be struck by her reply. She said, “I’m struggling and hurting, I’m not not ok, but I will be.” She was able to allow the discomfort, grief and sadness, knowing she would get through it. Self-confidence. Emotional maturity.
Knowing you could experience any emotion (failure, judgment, humiliation) and yet you won’t be defined by it. C'mon! Trusting yourself. A self-confident person is going to know they are good, and capable and worthy just because they are. They have nothing to prove. Nope. Oh and you can’t “fake it till you make it” in the self-confidence department either (see arrogance above.)
I used to think you are just born with self-confidence. Wouldn’t THAT be easy? It's a growth mindset that says, “I can always develop the knowledge I need to move forward.” AND, it doesn’t have to be pretty.
So how do you gain self-confidence? I like this quote from Wayne Dyer, “I am just trying to be better than I was yesterday, I just want to keep growing.” Even in the times when I haven’t put my best foot forward. When perfect isn’t available (never was). It opens up such great space. Acceptance, kindness, humility and strength. And then, I try it again, a little better than yesterday.
Give yourself that grace that only self-confidence can deliver. If you need help with it, I'm right here. You are amazing!
If you like these weekly thought-starters, I appreciate you sharing it with a friend, always room for others in our tribe!
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Grateful for you,
Anne