Anxious Much?
Is it me, or is everyone talking about anxiety? I realize as a life coach that’s kinda my wheelhouse, but it’s everywhere.
I want to say for the record, that in chronic and extreme cases, a physician and therapist can be a good team to manage a chemical imbalance and acute anxiety. Please get that help for yourself if this is you.
But for the rest of you, do you wonder why so many find themselves in that ugly repeat loop of fear and apprehension? I would never diminish anyone’s experience with an anxiety attack (I had one once, and never want another one) or worry-on-overload (which is how I characterize anxiety.) It can be just exhausting.
Let me invite another way to view it. Anxiety (and so many other intense emotions) is your brain trying to protect you. It is a primal cognitive function of humans to alert to possible danger and become vigilant and protective. It’s actually a good tool, until it’s not.
In our primal days we had survival alerts for starvation, predators shelter and the like. These days, many of us (lucky ones) don’t need to wonder about our next meal, saber tooth tigers and a roof over our heads. And yet our primitive brains are so happy to shout the warning bell.
I’m a layman but I find all things about our brains fascinating and read many articles and reports about how our noggin works. So here’s what I’ll share. Once we respond to that warning bell, the central nervous system starts a pattern for the brain called a neural pathway (think of it as the well traveled dirt road with the tire tracks worn along it.) Once we develop and continue to use that “dirt road” it only gets more familiar and then becomes the default road to these (stress) signals. Psychiatrist and brain expert Dr. Daniel Amen calls these automatic negative thoughts (ANTS).
➡️ Think of a committee or co-workers sitting around a conference table considering an annual project. One member argues for status quo procedure saying,“But that’s the way we’ve always done it.” Your brain has the same tendency.
Same can be said for most emotions. Depression, guilt, shame, fear, loneliness, boredom, inadequacy. Some call it a triggered response. Either way it’s a human response to a perceived danger. And that’s the brain’s job. I think this is the best news! My brain is doing what it was made to do!
Knowing this, now when I have an anxious moment I acknowledge the big picture, thank my biology for coming to my rescue, and interrupt the default cycle. Just this act (the interruption) creates a new option for my brain.
➡️ Back to the co-worker example. What if Sally stands up and says,”I know in the past this has been the SOP, but I have found that if we do X, we come in under budget, get better results and can finish the project in half the time.” Go Sally! She interrupted the process.
Here’s what I like to do when I feel myself sinking into a state that isn’t optimal:
First: I don’t resist, deny or fight it. That will only “feed the baby” as they say. I recognize the ramping up of emotion and say “ok, I know what this is.” Acknowledge the emotion, name it.
Second: Interrupt the downward spiral by intentionally and calmly centering my breath. Deep belly breaths. Breathe in 4 counts, hold for 1 count, breathe out for 6 counts. Repeat 10 times.This will induce relaxation. And signal to your nervous system that certain catastrophe isn’t at your door.
Third: Now that I have protected my body by interrupting the downward spiral and put some space between the first impulse to run it up the flag pole. I now take care of my mind. I get to the thought I had that brought this on (ANT). In my case many of my most worrisome thoughts are not true at all. They are the stories I tell myself, which are optional. There is always another way (story) to believe.
Until I knew coaching I would never think that was true. It is my friends. I am so happy to tell you it is. And isn’t that just the best news? I want to reiterate what I said at the beginning of this column. If you find yourself in an acute and dire condition be sure get the help of a trained physician and/ or therapist.
If you find anxiety an intermittent visitor and would like to take a look at some tools to cope with it. I’m happy to talk it over with you.
Here's a tidbit from my client Richard:
“Anne has a conversational coaching style that makes connections. I felt heard, appreciated and encouraged. Anne takes an active part in the coaching process, helping to move things along and gain momentum. I would recommend her to anyone who may need guidance in relationships and yearning to make connections. She provides a safe place to reside while doing the work to find inner happiness and joy.”
Grateful for you,
Anne
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